Bizzare Ads......

I came across a banner advertisement that stated: Ram Infotech, Broken Laptop reworking. Does that mean that this particular firm works "only" on broken laptops that are "reworking"?

Also, there was a particular shop that was named "Careers 306" - out of curiosity, I asked the shop-keeper what the name meant, and he proudly proclaimed that 306 was named after the "full circle". So, I questioned him again, trying to make sure if he actually made sense. His response was that he came across a book that mentioned that a circle should have 306 degrees! The ironic part was that he was pretty good with numbers, off the top of his head, yet, he never knew that a circle is actually 360 degrees. 

Surely, boggles my mind! 

Another advertisement on my bus route did try it's very best to cash on the Kolaveri craze by saying, "Why this Kolaveri? Big vehicles, do not get angry or block the road, give way to small vehicles". How the hell can big vehicles give way to smaller vehicles when there is no road space left, let alone a pavement to walk on? If only there was a way to fold the big vehicles or compact-ize them somehow....or have the small vehicles go under the bigger vehicles a la' Matrix....or have them fly overhead, a la-Superman!  

Dupatta-less Pedestrian!

Trying to cross a five-lane intersection, with vehicles and pedestrians coming in from all directions can be a challenge, even for the uber-cool, supposedly-confident me! I was trying to cross the final stretch of the intersection, when I saw a car approaching me at a speed, slower than usual. It suddenly sped up, and I had to quickly dodge out of the way to avoid getting hit. Unfortunately, my dupatta fell on the hood (er!) bonnet, and I was wondering as to whether I should run after the car to retrieve it. The driver of the car coolly rolled down his window, grabbed the dupatta from the bonnet and threw it on the road, but not before I gave him a piece of his mind...Makes me wonder if the driver was trying to scare me or was he trying to show off his driving skills or should I say, playing the role of a samaritan!

Macho-man, anyone?

Being a daily traveler on the dirty but trusted Pallavan Transport Corporation buses, I always seem to have a hard time finding an empty seat in the women's section (by the way, it is clearly spelt out in Tamil as "Pengal"). That seems to have no effect on the dumb "Aangal" or the darker sex! They seem to have the air of impression that the women's section is their sole property and refuse to budge, even if a large group of women hover around them, or request them to get off the seats. Brings to mind, a real amusing incident...there was a saffron-clad guy (probably on his way to Sabarimala), who sat near the window in the front-most women's seat near the bus door. When I requested him to get up, it being a women's seat, he said he was getting off in the next stop. The next stop came and went, and he did not even move an inch. So, I rolled up a newspaper, tapped on his shoulder (out of respect of not 'polluting' his vows for the 48 day 'viratham' or penance!), and chanted 'Sami Saranam Ayyappa' in a louder tone, and told him that his time was up. And lo, it worked!:) Boy, these men can be stubborn mules...with absolutely no respect for the elders, pregnant women, or the fairer sex in general! Duh!

Om....cleaning-up!

on my routine walk in the park...came across a real smart 'stray' or 'street' dog...not sure what term the locals tend to use..anyways, a group that does the 'so-called' yoga routines..doubt if it is really yoga, for it appears to be a parody of comedians in a sitting pose, all hunched up, and surveying the surroundings....! This particular dog makes sure to grab a nice, comfy spot on the plastic yoga mat on a daily basis, and goes about cleaning up it's act, by sitting on the mat on it's hind legs and dragging it's body with it's fore legs:) Cannot seem to think of a better way to put this across!

Vignettes....

aaah, reminds me of yet another funny incident I came across last week, when I was trying to have a real quick dinner with my dad, before the visiting hours at a prominent local hospital expired...we just gulped down the food...and I wanted a cup of water to quench my thirst...
came across a board that said in bold letters "We use only purified water for eating and drinking purposes" - did they mean "cooking" instead of "eating"? Ironically, I noticed one of the waiters filling half of the cup with tap water and then walking up to a water filter to fill up the remaining part of the cup....so the board should have said "We use only 50% purified...blah blah"...incidentally, the restaurant goes by the name of "Okadey"....it should have read as "AOkadey" meaning where AO stands for abnormal osmosis. Of course, I am not referring to "RO - Reverse Osmosis!" No wonder, I always refuse to drink water from anywhere, outside my residence!

Raves...rants....

oh boy! did get "ripped-off" big-time this afternoon....decided to take an auto to Indira Nagar for 15 rupees, thinking I could somehow convince the auto-wallies that they would budge, but in vain.....they increased their asking rate to 50 rupees, and I somehow managed to get it down to 20 rupees. If only, I knew that a simple nod of the head does not mean the auto-wallies know their destination - instead of taking me to Indira Nagar, I was taken to Shastri Nagar, and the auto driver refused to budge from the spot, because it would cost him an "additional" 10 rupees....Since I was already running late for my appointment, I quickly jumped off the auto, made a passer-by call the place of my destination to get directions...., and handed him a 100 rupee-note, hoping to get some quick change. Like a hard-headed "goon", the auto-wallie went to some stores, asking for change, and even went to the extent of complaining about my not willing to shell out the "extra" money! Since I was already 5 minutes late, I followed him into a "protein" shop..if only god knew what that meant.....only to be enveloped in a pungent, nasty odor, that grated on my nerves. I gave him a piece of my mind, grabbed the change from his hands, and told him to get a "life" of his own....
I then hurried along to my destination, and about a couple of minutes later, I was shocked to find the passer-by who helped make the call for me, perched atop his two-wheeler, pretending to check his mobile, but checking me out of the corner of his eye......Still, I plodded along, at a quicker pace, and lo! the passerby over-took me, then slowed down to point out the place of my destination..he could have saved me some walking trouble by giving me a ride on his two-wheeler!
Makes me wonder why he was wasting fuel over nothing!
The appointment was yet another disaster - the person I met with only wanted to promote her business and nothing else, and did not even turn on the a/c for me, saying there was a power cut, but when I requested it to be turned on, she promptly turned it on...what does a power cut have to do with an a/c? Am pretty sure there was a back-up generator handy! All she offered me was a glass of water, which I politely refused. Even before I could settle down into my chair, the appointment was over, as soon as it began:) So much for "appointments, eh?!
The return journey was equally eventful...since I was completely broke with hardly any money left, what with having to fix my broken slipper this morning and hitching an auto-ride to work....hence, I decided to walk back to work....since it was the "power-cut" hour...meaning, there is usually no current at work during that hour...but to me, "current" reminds me of a flowing river...and not "power" in that sense...In any case, I got drenched in sweat from head-to-toe, and happened to pass Coffee Day, where two very young girls were puffing away to glory! So much for "staid" Chennai...(er!) would rather go by Madras....since I basically grew up on Mowbrays Road, which is now known as TTK Road (Madras rhymes with Mowbrays, right?). Further down the road, I came across a board that said "Srijatha Fashion Institute of Technology" - that got me excited, and with great anticipation, I took three flights of stairs to the institute, huffing and panting along the way, only to find a massive aquarium blocking my entrance, and a rather rude lady who asked me what I was doing there....as if I was an intruder..and she replied in a very haughty tone that it doesn't (to my enquiries if her institute taught jewelry-making courses!)
So, that was the end of my "dream quest", and I continued on with my sweltering walk...only to have another auto-wallie clapping at me loudly, to get my attention and asking me if he could give me a ride, and I told him "for free, only!", scoffed at him...and continued on...only to find that the bottom sole of my slipper came off...
Too bad, the 50 bucks I paid to have my slipper "threaded (er!) fixed" this morning by the cobbler went down the drain..but at least, the upper sole of my slipper was intact, and I hobbled back to work....borrowing a plastic cover from Grand Sweets on the way, to keep the bottom sole of my slipper...
The afternoon culminated with my washing my feet in muddy water, courtesy the hand-pump at work...reminds me, that I could have gone in for a "mud treatment" in a spa!
Does that mean that Chennai is only made for "temporary" fixes and nothing else?
And the rant continues.......

Auto-Fleecers!

and, yeah, did have an adventure this morning, when my slipper broke on my way to the bus-stop....guess, the "yankee" footwear ("chappals" do not apply to me!) cannot withstand the "desi" heat! By-standers or "bystanders" here sure are smart alecks - they noticed that I was sliding my feet on the road, and guided me to a cobbler just down the road, who did a pretty impressive job with just a rusted, broken needle, and some black thread (is that the kind of thread that they tie around the waist of babies, huh?) and my fancy slippers look like as if a line of huge black ants formed a "permanent circle" around it..brings to mind.... the lord of the rings.Being delayed by this minor incident, I was forced to take an auto to work....somehow bargained with the auto-wallie for 65 bucks flat (they usually address themselves as auto "mani" or auto "babu"), and he sure did a splending job of dodging potholes, traffic...to reach my office in just 8 minutes flat!!! I have been told that upto the number "10" the preceding numbers should be written in "numeric form" and not "word form" - as per journalistic "lingo" - not sure if that is the case or not! In any case, please pardon my poor journalistic "lingo"....  
I did not have the proper change to pay the auto-wallie, and so, gave him 105 bucks to get an even 40 bucks back...and lo, the auto-wallie took out a broken comb from his pocket and just 5 bucks (saying he did not have change, and that I should give him 70 bucks!). Wow! these "illiterate" or "barely literate" auto-wallies sure think off the top of their head.....

Public (er!) Political Notices...

came across a public notice board put up by the Chennai police....the supposedly famous "Tripathi - Commissioner of Police, Madras".....of a lady walking down the road with a handbag, and a man stalking her...makes you wonder if it is a "goonda" or a "pick-pocket" or a "hanger-on" or a real "crook in the works"....Unfortunately, the face of the "man" was plastered with double posters of the "Mu.Ka thatha" party and "puratchi thalaivi amma" party - adding to the double confusion of who is the real "boss"! 

Expert Hanger-ons!

walking towards the bus-stop on my way to work....a over-crowded, tilted-to-one-side passenger bus with men hanging off the windows, doors, roof, and every nook and cranny....

only to notice that one guy dropped his bag....so, I ran after the bus, picked up his bag and threw it back to him...and as expected, he could not catch it...but the ingenious desi amongst the bunch of guys caught the bag with his foot, kicked it high in the air (yes! the kicker would make a fortune a la' Rooney!), only to have it land on the bag owner's head:)

Lover-Fix, Anyone?

have been noticing a very young lovey-dovey couple...sitting on the pavement by our office on a daily basis, for the past one month....they were making sure to hide behind a parked vehicle...until their cover was blown one fine day, it being yesterday....by a bold lady with a cleft-palate (no offences meant, though)....who charged into our office....demanding that we take action on the "poor" teenage love-birds.... and as expected, the "office boy" trotted out meekly....putting on a "fake" bossy attitude, and as instructed by the stern lady, making the young couple get off the pavement, and confronting them with the question "where are you guys from, what the hell are you doing up here......blah blah?"...The young boy had the answer down pat....saying "we are classmates, and I am in the 10th grade in Avvai Home, and the girl is in the 9th grade in AMM school"....and the stern lady warned them in a no-nonsense language and walked off in a huff.....if only she realized that the "two united souls" from different schools cannot be classmates! The young lovers smiled at each other, and the boy touched the girl's chin in an affectionate manner, and off, they trotted, hand-in-hand... As if, fixing a solitary pair of love-birds is going to end the deluge of "love in the air" in the shady corners of Chennai....

Damsel Rescue in the works!

walking down the road...only to notice a huge caterpillar hanging on a thread (could be a spider-web), hovering close over a passerby's head (a lady).....only to have it yanked and chucked away by a man in a dirty banian/lungi walking behind her....with a big grin on his face! Makes me wonder what the "emotion" was for....(was it because he performed a heroic act of rescuing a "damsel" in distress?)  Let the laughter roll in, please...

Genderless Driving School!

My major reason to launch a blog on quirky Chennai -- came across a driving school car with letters painted all over it that says "Teaching by ladies for ladies only". I peeked inside only to find two men in the car!:)